Still Loved

My husband and I love to relax watching movies or documentaries. After a particularly hard day we were trying to decide what we would watch. It was then that I found out the Still Loved documentary by Big Buddha Films was available to stream. Being completely honest at first I wasn’t sure if I should even mention this as an option. Worried that my husband might think it was strange that I want to watch a documentary about stillbirth especially after a particularly hard day. However when I made the suggestion, my husband was keen to watch.

Instead of popcorn and chocolate at the ready we both sat with a ball of hankies ready to watch Still Loved. We both sat silent for the entire documentary. I felt so heartbroken watching it but so hopeful too. My husband and I are really only at the start of our journey of mourning the loss of our son. It was really uplifting to see parents who had similar experiences to us being able to make positives out of their babies life’s.  It was also reassuring to hear the parent’s speak of their feelings and being able to relate to them. So often I worry that I am abnormal with some of the thoughts I have around the death of my son. Just to hear another parent having similar thoughts makes you feel less isolated and alone.

My husband and I could particularly relate to one couple in the documentary because the Mum’s waters had broke. She delivered her twin girls prematurely just like I did with Thomas David. The pictures of the twins on the documentary were so beautiful. I felt so happy that they had chosen to share the pictures of their twin girls. For me it is so important that people are able to see these beautiful babies and reduce the taboo of baby loss. We also took great strength from seeing the couple create so many positives from the life of their twin girls. The twins had a particularly impressive birthday cake!

I have shared the link to the documentary with friends and family. I really hope that they watch it and begin to understand a little more what my husband and I are experiencing. We will never forget about our son and will always want to talk about him. However I am learning this can be difficult in a society that is still shying away from the subject matter. Still loved is a big step toward breaking this taboo and encouraging people to speak about baby loss.

I hope that there will come a time when the BBC will add this to their viewing schedule. At the moment they have declined to do so as the subject matter is too upsetting. Well I would like to say that yes baby loss is an upsetting subject matter. Any discussion surrounding a person dying is upsetting. But don’t make us feel like our babies weren’t people and didn’t exist. Let us talk about them openly and let us choose how we want to remember our baby. The documentary may be upsetting but it is also uplifting, powerful, inspiring and beautiful.

Below I have copied a link to the online petition calling for the BBC to add Still Loved to their viewing schedule. Please take a moment to sign this. I have also copied the link to the site where you can rent the documentary.

Jenni x


4 thoughts on “Still Loved

  1. Debbie Howard is my sister and I’m so proud of what she’s achieved. Thank you for talking about this film. I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m pleased that the film helped you and your husband. I wish you all that you hope for in the future. Sending lots of best wishes to you both. Rach


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